


Did we really survive?

by thesmolbean16



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Fix-It, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 18:11:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesmolbean16/pseuds/thesmolbean16
Summary: Cassian Andor has gone on a mission very soon after Scarif leaving a devastated Jyn erso in his wake. Will he ever come back?





	Did we really survive?

     It took me Two minutes to pick his lock, using the screws I stole from him and a bit of knowledge from before Scarif when I was just Jyn the thief, Jyn the criminal. It opened with ease and the people in the corridors didn’t give me a second glance either they didn’t care or they’d seen the way Leia looked at me, pity and sadness and grief and pain like I was some fragile thing. But I’m not. I hadn’t broken yet, but I knew what would happen to cause me to break and it wouldn’t be the empire. And it wouldn’t be loneliness. It would be losing him after everyone else I’ve cared about has gone.

  
I don’t know what I expected in his room but it wasn’t this. He had barely any possessions, a lamp, a glass and a wardrobe with nothing in it. And I wanted to hold on to something of his for just a while, like I held on to my necklace and I could feel the people who left me. I had nothing to hold on to of his when he left he didn’t even tell me. Everything in his room was put down with military possession apart from his bed, it was still crumpled. Like he’d just left and he’d be back later today. He hadn’t been back for a month.

  
     I crawl into his bed, slipping my jacket and shoes off. A part of me wants to leave it like how it is; his bed was almost a shrine but I have to feel him. Since Scarif the rebels revered us but they feared us too, no one came when I screamed from a nightmare but he did, saying nothing but wrapping his arms around me and we’d both hold on to each other, calming our shaking bodies. We held the nightmares at arm’s length for a while at least.

  
    His bed was no longer warm but it smelt of him. Dirt and sweat and blaster powder, I wish I could wear that smell. I curl up as small as I can, being careful not to disturb the covers but just laying there with a memory of him.

     It became such a normal sight to see me in his room; my medicine would often be brought to his room along with whatever meals I’d skipped. Leia wanted to keep me alive even if that’s not what I wanted. He'd been gone two months now, out in the field; the rebels didn't trust me enough to give me a mission they said they were letting my body heal. They just didn't want me to rebel against them. Cassians bed smelt less like him. More of salted tears and my sweat now, I'd moved my stuff in here taking refuge away from the cold clean climate of the hospital. Trinkets from everyone I've ever loved that I'd stole, of course. I had Bodhi's goggles, Chirrut’s stick, Baze’s gun and a shard of what was K-2S0. Every little item of them was on a shelf, surrounding his little room, my little room, like a blanket. What if he was dead? Was he going to become an item on my shelf?

  
    "Jyn, do you mind teaching these newbie’s how to steal? I'd ask Han but he always seems to get caught." Leia asks a smile on her face, she knew why he'd been caught by them. I'd watch her tell every sign that Han was going to steal so they'd catch him out. Han and Leia. Cat and mouse.

  
     "I think I can spare an hour." Honestly I could spare ten a distraction is a distraction. I push my hair behind my ears and lean away from the wall, "Listen up newbie’s stealing is an art you have to feel it in your bones for it to work, a bit like the force you have to feel your moment to pounce. I've stolen to save my life from starvation and believe me you don't want to face starving." I walk around, then gesturing with my arms up and down and when I pulled them down I snagged something from a pocket, mints handkerchiefs all kinds. I stop my babble at the front of the group and let out an evil smile, "The first rule of thievery. Don't let yourself be stolen from." And the cascade of students items fall from my grasp.

  
    "You're good with the newbie’s in, a you don't get frustrated and aim a blaster at their head-"

  "-That was one time!" Han protests.  
"You should help out more with them it'll take your mind off things." _Things._ Is that what Cassian had boiled down to? An item that affects only me?

  
    "The reports of Cassian told us you were so closed off but-well-if you ever need to speak to someone you can talk to me and Han. I know we don't know you that well but maybe, even a smuggler and a princess can help a rebel." I nod at her, acknowledging her words but how do you explain that you don't deserve to be here? That she should be arguing with K-2SO with his snarky wit, not trying to keep me from spiralling even more.

  
    A few times a week I help the newbie’s training them till they can steal from Han but they can't steal from me yet.

  
   "Come on newbie’s I've been training you for a month now you should be able to steal from me." The new rebels protest shoving their hands in their pockets, slouchy teenagers that had already tasted the grief that the imperials cause.

  
     "Come on Jyn you practically saved the galaxy you’re a much better thief than us." Candil grumbles, “we can't rob from someone who is the last survivor of Scarif." _The last survivor._ Those words sink into my bones and my eyes sting but they just make me Angry. Angry that I was the last one, angry that Cassian is gone god knows where and he just left. Left me.

  
    "Yes. I survived but you know what there will always be someone better than you who have had more experience and a rebel is made of hope and belief. If you do not hope to beat me how are you going to hope to beat the imperials? I survived out of luck if it was my choice I would have gladly died there but I didn't and I survived and I'm wasting my life because of it. And I don't want ay of you to be me and be here when you could fight and let the fight be your cause because that's why your here. And let me tell you people are going to die, people that you love and you have to move on and become someone that they could be proud of. That's what I intend to do." My pulse is racing and my hands are shaking. A clap echoes throughout the gob smacked rebels. Leia stands a smirk on her face, clapping slowly with her eyes trained on my face.

  
     "I'm glad you realized it, Han was getting close with hitting you with the Falcon." I smile but i don't let her see the relief behind it, feelings getting out of hand are not something I enjoy.  

  
    And then I feel it.

  
   Him.

  
   I feel his presence behind me, the way he silently moves into a room always lurking around watching people. I feel his hand Slide into my pocket to get whatever he wanted and I grab it, intertwining our fingers, and I turn round. Cassian.

  
   "Even I'm not that good to steal from you." I want to squeal and grab him and kiss him and tell him how much he means to me. But that's just not us. So I look at him and he looks at me and our pulses are racing and we are inches away. But he's here.

  
    "Don't you ever leave me like that again Cassian." I say through gritted teeth but the small smile on his face shows me he understands what I mean. I miss you. I was a wreck without you. Please don't leave me. And then he buries his head in my neck, letting out soft sobs and I do the same just like we did on Scarif we hold each other together.

   Because he's back and I’m here and we survived.

**Author's Note:**

> I love writing anything Cassian and jyn but for my first one I thought I'd do a one-shot of my two favourite (almost) lovers. If I make mistakes with specific terms or characters I apologise but I love Rogue one and thought that I could have so much fun writing the characters. I hope you enjoy!


End file.
